An Overview Of The Land

Part 1

Our window to the world pans and sweeps suddenly down into the land below. Brushing past forests and disused railway tracks, it halts at the dark entrance to a mine. A superhero, armed with a blade, jumps past our eyes muttering to himself: " Dwarfs; heh, easy points! A decent run could get me near champion!"

Our camera sticks to the man's shoulder as he bounds into the darkness without fear. Well, is it fearlessness or stupidity? We follow our little Superhero as he spies a sturdy-looking dwarf and charges towards it, screaming, and wielding his less than threatening blade. For a Superhero our friend fights well, vanquishing his foe in double quick time. But just as we watch him tidily clean his blade on the fallen dwarf's beard, two more of the "midget, bearded gits" jump out at him. Our charge is fighting a losing battle: as he struggles to fend off the double attack, an eagle joins the fray, and another dwarf, and another ...

"No! Flee Out! Flee Out!" our intrepid hero shouts. But alas, it is too late as he falls to the ground dead and then tries to flee! Funaki the superhero, killed by the Seven Dwarfs and the Eagle.

From somewhere to the south we can clearly hear an anguished cry: "No! Just 3k left!"

The camera begins to move out and leaves our misinformed friend. Back south it soars, over rivers, swamps and pine forests. To the furthest southern extremities of the land we follow it; down to the drinking hole known as the Elizabethan Tearoom.

A strange sight greets us: the talking species of the land. These people invariably fall into one (or more) categories:

1. The Apathetic: The "hey, there's lots of people here, I can stay here rather than make the effort of adventuring" species.
2. The Scared: Normally these people have had some kind of bad experience in the land: they are generally people who have worked to get to a high level and now don't want to risk dying.
3. The Useless: These people are either newbies, quietly observing what is being said; or those tragic people who, despite playing regularly, have failed to actually get good (ahem).

Today we are treated to witnessing some from each category; plus the honour of a wizard (and two guests). The narrative halts as we stop to listen to their inevitably riveting conversation.

Azrael the Wizard
Heiach the Warlock
Zordell the Necromancer
Darknight the Sorcerer
Djgod the Protector
Drucilla the Scout
Drumbillet the Sorcerer

Azrael the wizard mutters something.

Without warning both our two guests and Azrael the Wizard vanish. Moments later Azrael returns, minus guests. I guess "Bungle's room of death" will teach them not to be guests!

Drumbillet exclaims "w00t!"

Drucilla the Scout asks "where's Rev gone? I hope he'll be back soon. I miss him already."

Azrael mutters something sarcastic. DJGod mocks Drucilla. Drumbillet mumbles something.

Drumbillet says "Hey Heiach!"

Heiach says "er...sorry, I can't seem to remember who you are."

Drumbillet exclaims "come on Heiach, you sent me some mp3's last week"

Heiach says "Hmmm, I think I remember sending someone some files..."

Drumbillet despairs.

With a clap of thunder, Foddy the Archwizard has entered.

Zordell waves.

Drucilla waves.

Heiach says "Foddy....I think I've heard that name before..."

Drumbillet screams.

Djgod says " Ko fhoddy"

Foddy asks "excuse me?"

Djgod says "Ses fgddy havb u sern me pictir o me cvomputer?"

Drumbillet laughs, out loud.

Foddy asks "Are you drunk Dj?"

Djgod says "ah u havf senm me compiter!1"

Darknight asks "Something about your computer?"

Djgod says "Iss gog morr csrlsberg son it noe tho!"

Azrael says "Just quit Dj, before you embarrass yourself any further!"

Djgod says "yeh theds sumonr sjouting aty meh idf betre go"

Darknight says "You need sleep Dj!"

Drumbillet waves.

Drumbillet laughs, out loud.

Djgod has just left.

Drucilla sighs.

Drumbillet mocks Drucilla.

Drucilla says "Its really boring! Its no fun without rev! I'll go and phone him!"

Drucilla has just left.

Drumbillet cheers.

Heiach grins.

Azrael says "good riddance!"

In the distance we hear a male voice shout "I Kiled a dwarv!!1"

Drumbillet wonders.

In the distance we hear a male voice shout "ANothre 1 ataked mie!!!1"

In the distance we hear a male voice shout "Itt hit mie!!!1"

Drumbillet shouts "iS itt thE mAN wH0 LiEks hAm???"

In the distance we hear a male voice shout "WHat?/ Ime at pan view critcaly injurd!!!1"

Drumbillet says "critically injured eh? Hehehe."

Drumbillet cackles.

Drumbillet has just left.

Azrael shouts "Nice move Mike!"

Azrael has just left.

More next month!

A dedication from Funaki:

Aaliyah,
Your style, beauty and talent will live on in the hearts of every person in the R'n'B community.
You will be sorely missed but your music will never be forgotten,
Rest in peace baby girl.