"When you go down to the woods today, you're sure of a big surprise," said the teddy-bear.

"But you can be sure the surprise won't be any sort of picnic," Columbus replied. "Not unless I'm the picnic, anyway."

"Oh, I don't know! I heard that the vampire didn't have a taste for toys - you should be safe!"

"The vampire? Hah! I'll be lucky to get out of the dwarfs with my stuffing intact!"

The teddy-bear rolled his eyes and considered this. Had Columbus gone off the rails this time? Just why did he want to go on this foolhardy trip? And would he be back in time for the tea-party one of the young dwarfs was going to put on for the two of them?

"Well, indeed!" he said. "Why would you want to go on such a dangerous trip anyway?"

This, Columbus realised, was the one question he feared. Could he avoid answering it, or would the teddy-bear keep pushing for an answer? He knew that in the end, he'd have to spill the beans. But how long could he hold out?

"You make it sound like I'll never come back!" he exclaimed.

"Will you?"

"Have I ever let you down?"

"That's not answering the question!" the teddy-bear complained. "Anyway, I notice you avoided the previous question nicely, too!"

Columbus grumbled. He had hoped he had got away with it.

"Oh, I have my reasons, don't you worry about them, though," he replied, then quickly added "Did you hear about that flood? The dwarfs were furious!"

"No, what happened?"

"Ahh, it seems there are these old water pipes running through the mine above the citadel. Some evil swine turned a valve on, and filled the mines with water! It was only luck which prevented us from having a bath down here."

"The dastards!" said the teddy-bear, looking shocked. "Did they find out who did it?"

"No," said Columbus. "Just one of those big people from up above, I expect. They're always coming in here, trying to get away with the King's treasure."

"Well, good luck to them! He's an evil sod," said the teddy-bear. He thought for a moment, and then added "But back to the point - you've not told me why you're going to this evil wood yet, Columbus, old chap!"

"Oh, I'm not entirely sure that I will go at all now."

"Really? You seemed so eager earlier. What's changed?" the teddy-bear asked.

"Oh, nothing. I just don't feel like it any more," Columbus said, hoping this would be the end of that particular conversation. "So, have you heard any news?"

"I did hear this rumour about this teddy who went completely bald!" said the teddy-bear.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, his name was Fred Bear!"

Columbus groaned dutifully. Why hadn't he seen that one coming?

The teddy-bear chuckled to himself. "What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?" he asked.

Columbus took in a deep breath. "We'll have less of that, thank you very much!" he said, hoping to end this conversation, too. He had never been a great fan of puns, and was beginning to think taking the trip to the evil wood would be less punishing.

"So, do you have any sensible news?"

"Nope!" replied the teddy-bear. "Not heard a thing!"

"I know, it's so boring down here," Columbus sighed. "Which was one of the reasons I was going to go on that trip."

"Was? Is your trip off for certain now?" asked the teddy-bear.

"Yes ..." Columbus said, glumly.

"Oh, why?"

"Because we're inanimate toys, silly!" Columbus exclaimed, rather weakly.