Herbert The Hapless Hedgehog

Chapter 11

High in the sky, Foddy was looking down at what was fast turning into a disaster. Umbrarg, standing next to him, shook his head.

"Foddy ... as much as I hate to admit it ... he's got us over a barrel. He now has four wizards he can use as hostages. And there isn't an awful lot we can do about it without our magic." said Umbrarg.

Foddy slumped on his cloud.

"Turrican the sinister Arch-wizard ... not a pleasant thought." Umbrarg continued.

Looking down, Foddy saw what looked like a man and a giant carrying a hedgehog walking towards the castle.

"Hello? What do we have here then?" he mused to himself.

Jabbing Umbrarg with his elbow, he pointed down to the adventurers. Umbrarg shrugged.

"Hmmm" Foddy hmmmed.

Meanwhile ...

"I'm having a nightmare." Herbert had decided, still partially stunned from his roll down a slope, which had ended rather violently with his collision with a tree. Staggering to his feet, Herbert looked around.

A tuneless wail was coming from behind a tree to his left, and being all alone Herbert went to investigate. Propped up against the other side of the tree was Marlight tying a bandage round his leg while singing.

"Are you ok Herb?" a voice asked from behind him. Herbert jumped and turned all in one movement.

Cloud was stood there, armed and looking very grim.

"I'm ok, got a bit of a headache from the fall but otherwise I'm good." Herbert replied. "I do wish you wouldn't scare me like that though!"

Cloud smiled briefly, before his face took on the stony determined look it had before.

"Foz is dead, so are the two brigands, we're gonna have to keep moving if we want to rescue this snugglepuss and stop Po before the end of the day." Cloud said, moving off to the west. Marlight hoisted himself off the ground and, with the aid of a small tree, walked after Cloud. Herbert however was rooted to the spot.

"Foz is dead." He thought to himself, "And it's all my fault."

Marlight, seeing the frightened look on Herbert's face, picked him up and put him in his pocket.

"Don't worry about it lad," Marlight whispered to the little hedgehog. "Foz knew this might happen, at least it's been interesting!"

Herbert sighed.

After about an hour they arrived at a big castle, terribly run down. Cloud tried the door. With a whisper and a groan the door opened. Looking inside briefly, he then stepped outside to the waiting Marlight and Herbert.

"OK. It's dark. Can't see much. Sounds like there is something moving in there though. Either of you guys got a light?" Cloud asked.

Marlight shook his head, while Herbert waved his stick.

Muttering a short incantation Herbert set the stick alight.

"OK," he said, "I'll have to lead, as this would probably burn you."

Bravely Herbert stepped into the big castle, to be confronted by the strange sight of Antman being dragged, by his feet, by a pair of goblins. When the goblins saw Herbert however, they dropped him and leapt to attack.

Herbert defended himself, keeping both goblins at bay, while Cloud crept up behind them and dispatched them both with short, sharp blows to the head. Marlight released Antman from his bonds and remove his gag.

"Herbert! Ah. I'm glad you're alive lad." Antman smiled, scratching behind one of Herbert's ears.

Looking around, Antman noticed that they were a couple of people short.

"What happened?" Antman asked.

Cloud walked over to one side of the room and kicked violently at a barometer that was sitting on the floor, shattering it. Outside it began to rain.

Marlight shook his head, sighing.

"Marmite helped two guys attack us. Foz ... died. It's my fault for bringing him on this stupid quest." Herbert said, close to tears.

"These things happen, Foz didn't have to come along." Antman said. "Don't worry Herb I'll sort something out."

"Assuming we get out of this alive", he thought to himself.

Cloud shook off the black mood he was in for moment.

"Why are you here Antman?" he asked.

"Me? Oh yes. Of course you wouldn't know. Well I, and a few of the other wizards, are... or rather were... here to stop Turrican from taking more hostages in his bid for Archdom."

Cloud blinked.

"Did you just say Turrican?" he asked.

"Yep. You see, this is what's happening ..." Antman replied.

Antman explained to them what Turrican had done to the touchstone, and about wizards meeting high in the sky to decide what should be done about it.

"After jumping off the cloud, we landed right on top of the tallest tower in this castle. We climbed through a hole in the roof, only to find Turrican there with several creatures he'd bent to his will. Unknown to us, Turrican still had complete control of his magic, and within a few moments we'd all been blinded, which of course meant the creatures subdued us with ease." Antman explained.

"The other wizards should be around here somewhere, probably guarded by a couple of creatures, there is Fruitbat, Reverence and Boggy to find. I'm gonna wait here while I get feeling back in my legs. Be careful." With that Antman sat down.

Cloud and Marlight looked at each other.

"OK. I'll check this way first." Cloud said, heading right. Marlight went left, while Herbert headed straight on.

Antman smiled. Things were looking up again.

Chapter 12

After a couple of minutes, Cloud walked into a games room. The first thing he saw upon entering the room was a man tied to a dartboard. Across the room from him were an exceptionally large goblin and an ugly ogre with a club. Stepping back into the doorway, Cloud watched what was going on.

"Listen Stupid, it's not hard to understand. I throw this dart into the air. You whack it with the club at the man near the dartboard" the goblin explained.

"Ugh" the ogre grunted.

Throwing a dart into the air the goblin watched it fly high, then come down and stick into the ground.

"You stupid moron ..." the goblin said, turning towards the ogre, who at this point was swinging his club as hard as he could. With a sickening thud the goblin was flung across the room, smashing against the wall and falling bonelessly to the floor. The ogre licked his lips.

"Mmmmm tender" the ogre smiled. Picking up the goblin it headed out of the castle, passing Cloud hiding in a dark corner. When he was certain that the ogre had gone, Cloud went over and untied the man.

The man was unconcious, so Cloud picked him up, threw him over his shoulder, and headed back to Antman.

At the same time Marlight strolled into a courtyard, where three giants were throwing around a sack, which was making decidedly unhappy noises, in the pouring rain. Whenever the sack was dropped a curse far too rude to put down here would issue forth from it. Guessing that the sack contained one of the wizards, Marlight intercepted the sack on one of its flights through the air. Quickly emptying the sack, a decidedly annoyed wizard dropped out the bottom.

Fruitbat was soaked to the skin. Having three angry giants to deal with Marlight wasn't exactly polite when he thrust the wizard into the castle and closed the door behind him. Several moment of silence past before a thunderous boom sounded against the door. Backing away from the door Fruitbat looked around. Finding nothing better then a lute to use as a weapon, Fruitbat stood his ground and waited for the Giants. A second boom crashed against the door, smashing a hinge off it. Fruitbat licked his lips nervously.

Suddenly a giant's head crashed through the center of the door. Its eyes rolled upwards and then it was out cold. Slowly the door opened and Marlight ducked in. Fruitbat smashed him over the head with the lute. Looking decidedly unimpressed, Marlight dropped the sack over Fruitbat and carried him to Antman.

As this was happening, Herbert found himself stood at a door leading into a kitchen. Looking inside he saw a man struggling with a deformed little guy and a beautiful lady. Every time the man seemed to be getting the better of the hunchback, the maiden would make some gestures and crows would appear to attack the man.

Herbert knew he had to do something before the man was overcome by the two creatures. Sneakily he moved behind the maiden, lifted his stick high while inciting the word of flame, and was just about to strike her when it dawned on him that the maiden was a lady. He'd never struck a lady before. It didn't seem like a very nice thing to do.

Meanwhile, Reverence was grabbing crows like a loon and biting off their heads before throwing the carcasses at the maiden. The maiden, disgusted by this, stepped back, and unknowingly her dress touched Herbert's flaming stick and caught alight. Feeling the burning flame lap at her ankles the maiden shrieked and ripped off the dress casting it to one side.

Clad in just a skimpy bra and panties the maiden was quite a sight. Reverence and the hunchback stopped fighting and stared enraptured at her. Realizing she was next to naked, the maiden fled. Herbert started laughing, and before long he was rolling on the floor laughing so hard he couldn't breath. When he eventually stood up and opened his eyes he was staring into the baleful globe that was Reverence's eye. Herbert froze. Reverence smiled. Least Herbert hoped it was a smile.

"Thank you spike" Reverence said. "Where are the others?"

"T-t-t-that way." Herbert pointed.

"Right" Reverence replied. Picking up Herbert, Rev headed back to the ingresso, kicking the hunchback's prone body as he went past.

Chapter 13

Herbert was riding on Rev's shoulder when they walked into the ingresso. Antman was over to one side trying to wake up Boggy. Fruitbat was apologizing profusely to a tall man with a dark bruise appearing over his left eye.

Boggy groaned. Antman smiled.

"What hit me?" Boggy asked.

"An ogre with a big club." Antman replied.

"Yeah. That'd do it." Boggy stood up.

"OK. Now we are all here we can attempt to subdue Turrican. Here is the plan..."

After several moments the group, four wizards, two mortals and a hedgehog, started to climb the stairs.

Herbert had to admit he was nervous. Who wouldn't be, attempting to beat up the most feared wizard of all times? After a couple of minutes the group arrived at a pair of blackened iron doors. Antman and Boggy stood on each side of the door and pushed at the same time. With a loud shriek the doors opened.

High in what used to be the nursery of the tower Turrican was getting annoyed. So far he'd kidnapped a snugglepuss, sucked all the wizards magic powers away and, to top it all, had captured four wizards. Did Foddy come down off his high cloud and beg for the wizards' lives back? No.

Did Foddy offer him Archdom and all the powers and privileges that came with it? No.

Turrican walked over to his seat with orb mounted above it and smiled. Sooner or later Foddy old bean, you'll have to come and see me. Then I'll be the one in charge.

His maniacal laughter echoed from the raised ceiling. A loud shrieking noise intruded on his laughing, much to his disgust. From the doors at the other end of the room stepped two wizards, and a Giant ...

Antman and Boggy charged towards the throne as soon as he saw Turrican sat on it. Before either of them had covered even half the distance both had been struck blind. Unable to see Antman collided with Boggy and both of the wizards collapsed in a heap.

Turrican started laughing again, until a sharp balled up Herbert smacked him in the side of the head. Making decidedly unhappy noises, Turrican turned towards Marlight and pointed. Twenty rats appeared out of nothing and swarmed all over him. Crushing one with a punch and squeezing the life out of another, Marlight was being bitten all over. Roaring defiantly, Marlight launched himself at Turrican, almost reaching him, until suddenly his feet became stuck to the floor.

Turrican smiled.

"Antman, will you never learn?" He mocked the stricken wizard in the center of the room.

"Its not over yet Turrican." Antman said, hoping very much that the other two wizards had moved into position.

During all the carnage, Fruitbat and Reverence had been slowly sneaking around the outside of the room. Although they had not been spotted, they still weren't in a position to strike at Turrican.

Fruitbat sighed. It was only a matter of time before Turrican realized they were here. If only he could be distracted a little longer. Fruitbat glanced upwards to see a snugglepuss in a cage dangling from the roof. Cloud was freeing it. Fruitbat smiled.

Herbert had rolled into a corner behind a pillar after bouncing off Turrican's head. A little dazed he'd sat quietly while Marlight had been crippled and was killing rats left, right and center.

No one else was left. Antman and Boggy were blind, Marlight crippled and fighting a dozen rats, and Fruitbat and Reverence too far away to do any good. Looking up he saw Cloud had freed the snugglepuss and was waiting above the cage.

Standing and whispering his words of ignition, Herbert stepped out from behind the pillar ...

"So you thought if you brought a Giant with you, you'd be able to best me did you Antman?" Turrican sneered. "Where are the other two? Or are they still fighting with each other?" Turrican glanced around the room.

Fruitbat winced. This is it. He's gonna see us. He thought.

Antman and Boggy regained their sight at the same moment. Sat on the floor in the middle of the room it was however difficult to make any kind of threatening movement without being seen. On the other hand, they did have the pleasure of seeing a large flaming stick appear behind Turrican's head and then strike him with considerable force.

Turrican staggered forward. Turning around he saw a hedgehog, a lousy bloody hedgehog. Lifting his hand and muttering an incantation he tried to force the hedgehog into dropping his stick. But before such an event could take place a large metal cage, dropped from a great height, landed on him.

Snarling and cursing Turrican stood up and forced Cloud to let go of his grappling hook. Falling, Cloud crashed into the ground snapping a bone in his right leg. Cloud groaned and lost consciousness.

Turrican turned his attention back to the hedgehog, which was looking at his Dark Matter orb.

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT YOU STINKING RAT!" Turrican roared.

Antman looked to the left and then to the right.

"NOW!" He shouted. All four wizards sprang at once towards Turrican. Before Reverence or Fruitbat had even reached halfway a blinding flash of light arced between them. Unfortunately for Turrican he was stuck between them. In Po's mortal body the pain was too much and Turrican was forced out, back into his immortal body high in the sky.

Po collapsed to the ground, dead as a very dead thing that's been run over in a car. Fruitbat and Reverence were thrown clear of the arcing energy blast, to lay semi-conscious against the walls.

Herbert hit the Dark Matter orb with his stick, shattering it into a million pieces. A collective sigh of relief came from the four wizards scattered about the room. Herbert sat down.

"What a day this has been." He said to no one in particular. Two more figures appeared out of nowhere.

"Yes, it has been interesting." Said the one on a cloud.

"Quite" said the other.

Herbert blinked. Sheesh. More wizards.

Suddenly it dawned on him he hadn't finished his quest. Walking over to where the snugglepuss was, Herbert used the end of his brand to remove the manacles chaining its feet together.

"Thank you." It said. And started to glow.

After a couple of seconds, instead of a snugglepuss, a beautiful young lady (who in no way, shape or form looks 30 years old) was stood.

Antman smiled.

"Hullo Karya."

"Just help me out this one time, he says, it'll be interesting to see if the hedgehog can rescue you, he says, then I end up being terrorized by Po and Turrican of all people!" Karya scowled at Antman, before smiling. She couldn't be angry. She just didn't have it in her.

With a sigh and a gasp, and a very dull thud, Herbert collapsed to the floor, exhausted.

"Oh dear." Antman said.

Chapter 14

High in the sky, Foddy and his fellow wizards were sat discussing what to do with Turrican.

"Technically he's a wizard, there isn't an awful lot we can do to him." Umbrarg said.

"And once the Dark Matter globe was destroyed magic became useable again." Foddy added.

"Surely there is something?" Boggy asked, "Can't have him doing this every couple of sets."

Foddy just smiled.

"It's already being taken care off." Foddy reached forward a poured himself a cuppa.

Turrican sighed. First off Foddy had changed his sinister prefix to Nice, and now this. Someone picked him up and poured themselves a cup of tea. I'm a freaking teapot.

Down in the land Marlight and Cloud had arrived back at the inn. Herbert was riding on Marlight's shoulder. Poledra, Jincks and Zordell were waiting for them. After some hugs and everyone had sat down in the inn. Cloud began telling them all what had happened.

"So, Foz is dead then?" Poledra asked.

Cloud didn't say anything. Marlight nodded. Herbert took another drink of beer.

"I need to get some fresh air ..." Herbert said, standing up.

Walking outside Herbert noticed it was a beautiful night, with beautiful fireflies making swirly patterns in the air ... Sitting down against a doorframe, he thought back on the fun he'd had on his adventure. It didn't seem right that someone had died in it.

"You never did claim your reward for rescuing me ..." Karya the witch said, in her current guise of being a firefly.

"Oh. Hehe. What kind of reward is it?" Herbert asked.

"Well, it was to be that you could keep your memories, and live as a conscious hedgehog. But you helped out a very dear friend of mine. So you can have one wish." Karya smiled.

Herbert smiled. Karya smiled too. With a flap of her tiny wings and a buzz she was gone again.

Foz sat down next to Herbert.

"Nice night isn't it ... makes you feel glad to be alive." Foz said. Herbert gave him a great big huggle.

Herbert grinned.

"Lets go kid," Foz laughed. Picking up Herbert he turned and walked back into the inn, and funnily enough together they got royally drunk.

The End. Obviously :)