The Adventures of Herbert the Hapless Hedgehog

Chapter 6

Up in the sky Antman and Boggy were receiving a telling off from another wizard.

Wizard: "What the hell are you two playing at? I leave the land for a couple of days and when I get back I find two of the newer wizards tearing big holes in each other at the old man's cottage. When I ask them what's going on they both said you two had sent them after a hedgehog ... a bloody hedgehog of all things. I want an explanation gentlemen ... and I want it now."

Antman and Boggy looked away.

Wizard:"Well?"

Antman coughed.

Antman: "Well ... I decided to try an experiment, Foddy."
Foddy: "Go on ..."
Antman: "The hedgehog dies every set. I decided to try giving him the intellect of a human, you know, to see if it could cope in the land if it was smarter. At first it was just a harmless thing, see how long it would last that sort of thing. I set it a task."
Foddy: "OK. How in the world did Fruitbat and Reverence get involved then?"
Antman: "Well it was doing rather well, making friends, not dying, so I mentioned it to Boggy. He said he was surprised because he didn't believe it would last very long. So we decided to lay a small wager."

Foddy groaned.

Foddy: "What kind of wager?"
Boggy: "If Herbert couldn't rescue the snugglepuss from Po in the tower near the ford within five sets then Antman would have to spend a week in the tearoom without his wiz powers."
Antman: "And if Herbert did rescue the snugglepuss in time Boggy spends a week in a no exit room without wiz powers with only Serenety for company."

Antman and Boggy both were nervous before the fearsome scowl on Foddy's face. Unknown to them the scowl was just for show. He'd already talked to Umbrarg (A powerful wizard who rarely lets the other wizards knows he is about) who had told him everything that had happened.

Foddy: "So ... because neither of you wanted to lose you drafted in less experienced wizards to interfere on your behalf?"

The two friends looked at each other, both realising they were getting deeper and deeper into trouble.

Antman & Boggy: "Yes Foddy."

Foddy sighed.

Foddy: "Ok. Here's what we are going to do. You both have ten minutes to do whatever you want.

Antman smiled.
Boggy sniggered.

Foddy: "However, three rules."

Both wizards blinked.

Foddy: "One. No getting other wizards to interfere on your behalf."
Foddy: "Two. Nothing can be done by either of you or me or any other wizard after the allotted ten minutes is over."
Foddy: "Three. Neither of you can talk to the hedgehog."

Antman and Boggy both nodded.

Antman: "So its ok if we get other mortals to help us?"

Foddy: "Yeah. I don't see any problem there."

Boggy: "What if any of the mortals should die while helping or hindering Herbert?"

Foddy looked at Boggy.

Foddy: "I'd prefer that didn't happen."

Boggy shrugged

Boggy: "They are only mortals, Foddy."

Foddy: "Enough. No mortal deaths."

"Ha. We'll see Foddy. After ten minutes there is nothing you can do about it anyway," Boggy thought to himself.

As they were turning away Foddy called after them

"And neither of you is backing out if you lose."

Smiling to himself, Foddy climbed aboard his cloud and moved higher into the air so he could keep an eye on what was turning into a rather intriguing affair

Antman cast a glance as Boggy and saw the ruthless glint in his eye. Oh dear, thought Antman, this is about to get nasty ...

Meanwhile ...

Turrican the sinister wizard was looking down into the land. His latest pawn was a young man by the name of Po. Po was a despicable wretch and his cruelty towards people and animals is what first attracted Turrican to him. The only problem was, when Po was a child someone had dropped him on his head, which unfortunately left him suffering from rare crying fits and mental breakdowns.

And he was having one right now. Which annoyed Turrican. He had told Po to go out into the land and kidnap a female. Someone who they could hold to ransom until his demands for more power from the arch wizards Foddy and Umbrarg had been realised. Instead Po had captured a snugglepuss.

Turrican sighed. Why me? He thought to himself. Checking to make sure no fellow wizzes were watching, Turrican allowed himself to take over Po's mind and body.

Po, sat in the highest room of the tower with all his toys and the snugglepuss securely locked in a cage, suddenly let out a piercing scream and fell forward to the ground. When he awoke it was a different person inside him. Po laughed maniacally.

"Finally." he whispered. "Turrican is back in business."

Chapter 7

Herbert ached all over. His legs and back, where his quill had been ripped out, were the worst. Images of Reverence's evil face laughing as he tried to push a quill into his mouth caused Herbert to shiver and give a little squeak of terror.

"Its ok sweetie," a gentle voice cooed.

Opening an eye Herbert found himself staring into a pretty face. A girl's face. Opening his other eye, he saw that the face was surrounded by raven black hair that reached well below shoulder length. Being somewhat shy Herbert closed his eyes and hoped that the lady hadn't caught him staring.

"Awww. You're awake then," the lady said.

At a loss for words Herbert just nodded.

"You sure are quiet. Cloud and Foz picked you up after you fell at their feet in the inn. Being men, neither of them knew the first thing about helping a wounded creature. They were all for getting you drunk before my husband pointed out that I'd had some training with treating animals. And here you are," the lady explained

"Thank you," Herbert whispered. "My name is Herbert."

Smiling the lady gave Herbert a brief hug.

"My name is Poledra, and you Herbert, are very welcome." Poledra replied. "However, you need to get some rest, so what we'll do is I'll change your dressing over your wound, then you can get some sleep. I'll have to get some too, but I'll make sure there is someone here so you will not be alone ok?"

Herbert nodded. As Poledra changed his bandage carefully, she began humming a gentle tune. Herbert fell asleep.

Meanwhile downstairs in the bar Cloud and Foz were getting very drunk. Already Cloud had downed eleven pints with whisky chasers and had fallen asleep with his head resting on his sister Zordell's shoulder. Zordell, in turn, had fallen asleep while Foz was telling one of his very long jokes. Not that Foz seemed to mind. Having had the same amount to drink as Cloud, Foz was barely able to put two words together without forgetting what he was talking about. Oblivious to the fact everyone was asleep Foz finished off his patented monkey joke before waiting for the laughter. No one laughed cause they were all asleep and had heard it lots of time before anyway so he shrugged and was just about to nod off to sleep when a short man appeared.

Foz blinked. He was fairly sure the man hadn't been there a second ago, and the inn door was still shut. Sheesh he thought to himself, I'm drunk.

"Hullo!" the short man exclaimed.

Rather then betraying the fact he was totally hammered by attempting to reply Foz just nodded.

"I was wondering if you'd do me a favour?" the short man asked as he sat on the chair opposite.

Foz sat for a little while, confusion reigning in the mushy goo that he referred to as a brain, and then he nodded.

"Excellent. I want you to look after a little guy called Herbert. You've met him before. He's a hedgehog who, unfortunately, has been having a hard time of it lately." Antman explained. "In the next couple of days he is going to have to go through more bad stuff, and I need a few kind people to give him a hand. I must warn you however, this could get dangerous."

Foz nodded again. He was getting good at nodding, and the fact he was extremely tired helped.

Antman bowed. "Thank you Foz."

With that Antman disappeared.

Foz blinked repeatedly, then toppled forward and fell with a crash into the table, before rolling into a ball and falling fast asleep.

Zordell yawned and opened her eyes. Looking down at Foz snoring like a pregnant rhino and drooling into the carpet she turned her face to the ceiling.

"Men ..." she muttered, before falling back to sleep.

Upstairs in one of the many bedrooms Poledra was snuggling up to her husband. Just as she was falling asleep a voice began talking to her in her head.

"Hullo," said the voice.

Hiya. Poledra thought.

"I need someone to look after Herbert over the next couple of days. I asked him to do something for me, a quest if you like, but something has gone wrong and I think he's in danger. He might only be a hedgehog but I care about the little guy. Are you interested?"

Who are you? Poledra thought.

"I'm sort of his dad. It's hard to explain. You can call me Shorty," the voice replied.

I can't help you. I'm needed here. If I leave this place will fall even more into disrepair and the people of the land will have nowhere to meet and take a rest. Poledra thought dejectedly.

"Oh. Ok. I understand Pol." The voice sounded disappointed.

Well ... Maybe Marlight could go instead. He's good with animals, and he's big and strong. Poledra suggested.

"Its dangerous. Are you sure?" the voice warned

Ask him. I'm sure he will. He's that kind of person

"Ok Pol ... Thank you" With that the voice was gone … and Poledra fell fast asleep.

The next morning Poledra explained her dream to her husband. Marlight, while not totally understanding what was going on, agreed to help Herbert, namely cause he adored Pol and would do anything for her. Giving her husband a kiss on the cheek Pol went downstairs ...

... To be greeted by about ten people laughing hard at Foz. Much to his distress the only people who even remotely believed his story about the short man were Cloud and a tall man in a dark cloak that noone knew.

"I'm telling you its true. A short guy with a halo and wing and he was glowing and he offered me a keg of ambrosia wine if I helped Herbert!" Foz exclaimed.

Cloud nodded. He didn't believe a word of it and Foz knew it. But Cloud was a top mate and wouldn't say as much ... well not till later when everyone had buggered off. Everyone else laughed.

"Sure he did Foz ... and I was visited by Karya the dreamy witch and she asked me for a date" shouted Uglybloke, winking to everyone.

"Yeah right Uglybloke" Zordell sneered. "At least there is a tiny possibility that what Foz said is true ... the chances of Karya even talking to you is about as likely as Reverence giving up his killing in order to plant flowers and take up poetry."

Laughter roared around the bar as Uglybloke muttered something and left.

Foz sighed.

"Someone asked me to help Herbert too, Foz Hun." Poledra said.

The whole bar suddenly went quiet.

"That's a relief. For a second there I thought I was losing my marbles." Foz sat down. For the first time in ages Foz seemed serious.

"I can't go. Marlight is going instead" Pol went on, "He'll be able to dress Herbert's wound, I have to stay and run this place."

"Yeah. I understand. What is it we're doing exactly?" inquired Foz.

"I have no idea," Pol shrugged "Looks like it's going to get dangerous."

Foz nodded.

"I'll go fetch Herbert." Poledra said.

There was a knock at the door. Herbert stretched and smiled. After his rest he felt much better. Standing up he trundled over to the door. Opening it Herbert looked out ... then took a step back and stumbled, falling with a bump onto his bottom. In the doorway was the tallest man Herbert had ever seen.

Smiling, the giant spoke.

"Hiya. I'm Marlight. I'm gonna be your nurse for the next few days while you are travelling"

Herbert gaped for a couple of seconds before remembering his manners.

"Hullo. I'm Herbert. And I'm scared." Herbert said grinning.

Marlight chuckled, then reached down and picked Herbert up.

"Not just me travelling with you matey. Lets head down to the bar and you can explain what we are doing!" Marlight boomed, as they headed down the stairs.

When they arrived downstairs four people were waiting. Three men and a lady.

Herbert recognised two of the blokes and the lady. Foz and Cloud were sat at a table. None of them had any beer, which Herbert thought was strange. Nearby Poledra was looking towards him. Lastly was a dark stranger in the corner sitting quietly.

"Hiya," Herbert said. Everyone turn to look at him. Poledra stood up.

"Ok Herbert. Last night a man spoke to me in a dream. He said that your quest was going to get dangerous. And that you should get some friends to help you," Poledra began.

"I don't have many friends," Herbert said, looking sad.

"That's not true mate." Foz said.

"You got us." Cloud said pointing to Marlight, Foz and himself.

Herbert was lost for words. He never had friends before. And was quite overwhelmed by it all.

"Who's that?" He said, pointing to the man in the black cloak.

The man stood up and introduced himself.

"I'm a erm ... hunter, I was in the bar when Foz mentioned his encounter with a short person," the man began.

"Shorty?" Herbert interrupted

"Yes Shorty." Poledra said.

"Anyway," the man continued. "I figured someone in your position could use my skills. My name is Marmite."

The man bowed. Herbert liked the man. Confident and strong he looked like a good companion to have.

"I'd like that." Herbert said.

Poledra looked at Foz. Foz looked at Marmite, and then back at Poledra, then he shrugged.

"Ok then. Herbert, can you explain to everyone what it is you are trying to do while I go and make you lot some lunch. After lunch you'd better set off." Poledra said over her shoulder as she bustled into the kitchen. Marlight put Herbert down on the table where Cloud and company were sat, then sat down next to Marmite.

Foz leaned over and whispered something to Cloud, who in turn whispered something back.

"Excuse me please," Foz said, heading up the stairs.

Herbert looked questionly at Cloud.

"No idea mate. Wanted to know which room Zordell was in." Cloud shrugged.

Herbert began explaining his quest just as Poledra came back into the room and everyone tucked into some food, except Foz ...

Upstairs Foz was stood outside Zordell's room. He'd been stood here for about quarter of an hour trying to build up the courage to do this. Taking a deep breath he knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" a female voice called.

"Its me," Foz said.

"Oh. Come in. Its not locked." The female voice said.

Foz opened the door and stepped inside. Zordell was brushing her hair.

"Hiya Fozzy. What you want?" Zordell asked.

Looking at his feet, Foz was getting very nervous. He'd wanted to ask Zordell out for ages. And seeing as he was going away for a couple of days he figured if he asked her now, and she turned him down flat, he'd be able to take it out on whatever lay ahead in this silly quest thing.

"Ok. Zordell ... I've been meaning to ask you. Erm. Well. You know. We've been mates a long time…" Foz rambled.

"You wanna go out on a date." Zordell stated.

For a while now Zordell had expected Foz to ask her. She'd been debating for ages what she would say. It would be very weird because Foz was her best mate.

Foz sat there, looking uncomfortable. It had been hard to ask. He'd really liked her for ages but didn't know how to ask her. And now she'd pretty much said what he would have got round to saying ... Eventually. Assuming he didn't bottle it.

"Ok Fozzy. Here's the deal. We'll go out. One date. See how it goes. When you get back ok?"

Foz nodded. Blushing, he left, quietly shutting the door behind him.

Zordell picked up a looking glass from the table and studied her reflection in the mirror.

Fozzy. She thought. You are a daft bugger.

Then she smiled.

Suddenly, the looking glass slipped from her hand. Zordell tried desperately to catch it, but failed. Tumbling the mirror hit the floor and shattered. Her breath caught in her throat as images flashed for an instant on the larger shards, then the mirror blinked out of existence.

Several moments passed as Zordell tried to remember what she had seen ... a dark force taking over a crying young man ... two men bickering on a cloud ... a cloaked assassin plunging a dagger into someone's back ... and a lone swordsman being struck down by two other men at the entrance to a castle.

Horror dawned on Zordell's face as she realised who the swordsman was. Turning quickly Zordell sprinted towards the door.

Downstairs everyone was ready to go. Poledra gave Marlight a kiss on the cheek and whispered, "Come back safe". Then they were gone. Heading east toward the tower. And the unknown. As Zordell reached the door everyone had left. Poledra looked at her.

"He's going to die. Foz is going to die." Zordell whispered.

Poledra looked done the path to the east. Turning away she whispered a prayer hoping they'd all come back safe.

To be continued ...

Fozzy :)