Muddled Times
Issue:Issue 29, March 2005

Hawumph's Agony Column

(OR even the mighty have fallen)

Dear Hawumph,

So. This is what it takes to get a moment of your time is it? I have to write in to your little 'agony' column?

I gave you some of the best months of my life! I NEVER complained. I ALWAYS apologised for (cough) belching. I was ALWAYS there for you!

And what do I get in return? Hmmm?

You don't write. You don't phone.

You can't even be bothered to float over on your cloud for a quick visit.

10 minutes. That's all I ask. Or is that too much, Mr la-di-da big man arch-wiz? Huh? Huh?

Just you remember who helped your skinny mortal butt become immortal, matey-boy!

With continued affection (although I don't know why, I really don't),

Dragon X

Dear Hotlips,

What can I say, all work and no play makes Hawumph a dull boy.

What with all the mudmail (No, you can't have a restore, attacking the ogre with a pansy on one stamina may have seemed like a super idea to confuse it Firedemon, but NO!!!!), the chasing of naughty little wizzes (Benny, NO! Just no, you can't say that to people, ESPECIALLY the ones you know!) and other duties (Richard likes a lot of cups of tea doesn't he?), I forgot our anniversary.

I do still send you the odd mage snack as a special treat, and you must have had a fine old time entertaining the current huge crop of warlocks, but its just not the same is it?

The fun we had, doing the druids treasure chamber before giving you a gift (OK, burning my mage was nasty but I forgave you, right?), that time I came back from the pub and attempted to feed you the coracle, and so many other happy memories.

I'll make a point to come say hi more, especially on these long cold winter nights, we can snuggle up over some HOT chocolate and get reacquainted.

With love but no bunch of roses, you only shrivel them up anyway you old boiler,



Do you have a problem you'd like to share with our resident agonist? Use the "Mail the author" link below to send your problems to Hawumph.

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