Hawumph's Agony Column

(OR a good FODing will sort out all of their problems!)

Dear Hawumph,

I have recently been approached by my local PC store, to enquire if I would help endorse their range of keyboards. Apparently they have been in touch with you, mentioning this, and you referred them back to me.

I was wondering if you could let me know what the deal is, especially as the commission offered seems very low. They mentioned something about an agent's fee, but I do not have an agent?

And why would they need anyone to do this anyhow?

Yours

Sabretooth

Dear Sabretooth,

Having made wizard, you have obviously forgotten all the little people that stood behind you (at times a long way behind you, for fear of broken bits of plastic and key caps) as you struggled to master the game, and your own sense of fair play, which apparently involved beating keyboards to death when you died.

Anyway, your local shop now has a surplus of keyboards since you stopped visiting them. They asked Kitty what was wrong, she sent them to me, I merely suggested they pay me a modest finders fee, and every penny (OK, both pennies) left over would go directly to you, should you endorse their fine product, used by wizards and even arch wizards without any fear of influence by bribery!

It is of course your decision, but do keep in mind that the penalty clause they may have already shown you does call for you to make wizard again whilst wearing a KILL ME I AM WORTH 102,400 POINTS OF BOUNTY sign, should you choose not to.

Hope that helps,

Your mate,

Hawumph

Dear Hawumph,

I am considering writing articles for Muddled Times, but I don't know how to go about it.

Is there a secret club I have to join first, or do I just need to pay to have my articles printed?

Also, what sort of articles should I write?

I hope you can help me,

A. Writer.

Dear Writer,

Writing articles for publication is a mud tradition. It started probably with the writings of Richard, mainly a series of letters to The Independent. (http://mud.co.uk/richard/letters.htm). It would do no harm to check these out, as he gives a small resume on each one, including how he got it published in some cases.

Even better contact the editor, Karya. (karya@muddled-times.com). She or a member of the staff will be able to give you ideas of any articles that have been proposed but not actually written yet. I do know there are a few pet topics she would like to have covered if the correct writer came around, so why not give it a try.

Or finally, just write down your ideas, as coherently (or not, have you read Crazyfool's column?????) as possible, and mail them in.

Do, do it though, I hear on the grapevine that sometimes articles are not just late, but are lacking. If you want to keep Muddled Times regular, contributing would be the way to go!

I look forward to reading your first article.

Hawumph.

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