Hawumph's Agony Column

(OR it's about time someone gave me a rest from this job)

Dear Hawumph,

Is it true that I'm insane? People of mud keep telling me this but I don't know whether to believe them. Please help me, I don't know what to think anymore <crys>

Aarrggghhh, please help powerful Hawumph I beg of thee. Tell the people of mud that I'm not a nutter, they don't seem to belive me, you're my last chance.

Yours,

*FD*

Dear FD,

Define insane. Insane people give no thought to danger or consequences, so sitting in the tearoom with your mage is an eminently sensible, if very boring, thing to do. Unless you want to learn how to play mage of course.

And your claims of insanity, random food additive induced psychoses, and general all round weirdness, simply make the character you are role playing a more rounded, carefully crafted one.

You are role playing, aren't you?

Yours suddenly worriedly,

Hawumph.

Dear Hawumph,

It's really getting to me, people are laughing at my goals in life now and I cannot handle it. I thought they would respect me for this, but all I get are puzzled looks or derision, and quite honestly I don't think I can take it much longer. What am I to do?

Yours,

J.

Dear J,

I too have seen the film Born Free, and letting a beautiful creature go loose into its natural environment is a stirring, noble ambition.

Unfortunately your ambition in life is, correct me if I am wrong, to release a can of tinned pears, either by stabbing it with a crusty tin opener, or microwaving it until the pears are set free to roam the walls of the kitchen.

My advice is to get a girlfriend, get your flat cleaned, then when's she's washed the tin opener, treat her to a slap up meal. Of pears. NOT ON TOAST!

Mind you that would mean leaving the flat, probably better to just let the tinned pears remain caged, and go order a takeaway pizza deliverey.

Good luck,

Haw.

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