The Meeting of the Mobiles.

"It's Thursday night again and we all know what that means..." "Yeah," whined the coot, huddled miserably in the corner, "Another ass-whupping."

"WRONG!!" roared the Dragon. "Tonight we are going to fight back! That's the whole reason behind this meeting. We must organise ourselves, help each other, and give these uppity mortals a drubbing they'll never forget!" There were murmurs amongst the creatures before him.

"I'm sure it's not necessary,” said the dove, peaceably, "If we just got together around a table and talked to them? We can share the land in perfect harmony with our mortal brothers and sisters, and..." he tailed off as he noted the growing noises of dissatisfaction.

"You have GOT to be kidding?!" said the wyvern incredulously, her barbed tail hovering ominously above the dove. "We must turn the other cheek,” insisted the dove. "S'OK for you to say," sneered the fox, "you take one look at 'em waving their axes and stuff and you don't just turn the other cheek....you turn both of them and bugger off as fast as you can!"

Someone cleared their throat delicately. The exceptionally large goblin adjusted his exceptionally large codpiece and minced across the floor. "Well, I for one am thick of it! Ages I thpend, thtitching that tapethtry, and then thome leather-clad brute comes along, killth me and nickth it! Ithn't that right Thyril....Thyril?...THYRIL!" The goblin blacksmith was eyeing the pony with undisguised speculation. "Hmmm? Oh, yer, that's right Crusher," he responded absently. The pony shifted it's feet nervously.

"You're right of course, old boy. We simply have to sort out those cheeky blighters!" The Dragon looked over to the elegant figure in evening dress with his silent partner. "Any chance of a light by the way? Ray here seems to have given my last match to those chaps over there." The vampire gestured towards the gargoyles who were puffing contentedly on their cigars, surrounded by a shimmering blue haze. The Dragon breathed gently towards the cigarette holder. "Many thanks, old chap, do go on."

"Right," said the Dragon, "number one, stop" HIC "fighting amongst" HIC "yourselves." He glared towards the thief who dashed off, trying to hide the broadsword, longsword and a couple of gems. "Number 2" HIC "try and..." HIC, GIGGLE "WILL YOU APES DOUSE THAT BLOODY INCENSE!! And take that chrysanthemum from behind your ear, number 10, it doesn't suit you and does nothing for your snarling image!"

The old dwarves huddled around the fire mumbling. "T'weren't this way when I were a lad." growled one, eyeing the ogre warily. "UG!" grunted the ogre, as he whirled his club around his head, inadvertently stunning 2 crows. "How dare you talk to my revered ancestors in that manner, you...you...you OAF!" shrieked the king dwarf, throwing (as the viper later commented) another of his 'hissy fits'. "Calm down, dear." soothed the queen, looking worriedly over at the Dragon who was, by now, holding his head in his hands.

"Will you two stop that infernal noise!" The mermaid and the maiden looked up from where they were giggling and glanced over at the giants. "Sorry, Mr D, we were just discussing foot size," they grinned. The giants blushed furiously.

"And c'mon guys!" pleaded the Dragon as he looked over to the small baize table, "Stop fleecing the zombies, eh?" The sharks looked up guiltily from their poker game. "You know they always end up throwing in their hands. How, in the lands name, are they supposed to hold a weapon? Between their teeth?"

In a gesture of attempted defiance, one of the zombies gave the Dragon the finger and quickly shuffled off behind his brethren. The Dragon looked at the digit lying in the palm of his hand. "Erm...thanks?" he said uncertainly.

The old man looked at his watch. "We're running out of time, my scaly friend."

As the noise grew again with the clamour of bickering voices, the Dragon raised his majestic head over his comrades, who all hushed expectantly.

"This land belongs to US! It is OUR home! OUR heritage! Shall we forever surrender to these mortals who overrun our land?"

There was a stunned silence.

Then the raven flew high above the meeting of mobiles. "Nevermore!" he cried.

"NEVERMORE!!" came the answering roar.

THE END