Muddled Times
Issue:Issue 20, February 2003

Anatomy of a "Wizrun" (term used loosely)

Greetings children of the world formally known as MUD2, Ich heisse Tsunami (well, not really ... it's just a persona name y'know) and here is my hugely pointless yet strangely compelling tale of woe, anguish, pain, and lashings of orange and apricot ribena (tooth-kind).

(Translation: here's something I threw together so I could see my name on a screen (other than Crimewatch) and inflate my fragile ego).

Monday 3rd January

Earlier in the day I discovered to my shock and anger that BBC Choice had cancelled its season of Bodger and Badger re-runs. "Why can't the world just share the love of mash potato and get along!!" I cried. But to no avail ... it was at this point I decided I was at a loose end (Chucklevision wasn't on for another hour) so I decided to pay a visit to a wonderful land which I knew so well.

I entered an empty reset and ran around like a crazed emu swamping succulent treasure and beating up mobiles like some kind of mobile-beating-up-beast. Eventually I gained magic and quit safe in the knowledge that the chuckle brothers and their hilarious gapes awaited me.

Wednesday 10th January (yes, I'm making these dates up ...)

Blah, blah, blah ... made necro, made warlock, made mage ... then the first interesting thing happened. Wandering around aimlessly at mage I spotted the first player who could possibly be considered wizmorty (for your information: anyone who outplays me must be a wizmort). So I'm so kitted up that I barely pee myself and instead wander around spamming 'K EVIL WIZMORT F WP, QUICK!... GOD, ATTACK HIM BEFORE IT SOAKS THROUGH TO MY JEANS'... eventually I stumble over the evil one and proceed to hack him. Ok, so even though I had better spells, better stats, and better kit he managed to steal my boat and drown me ... "haha, you inept fool!" you may say, but oh no ... I think you will find it was God's fault.

Thursday 15th January

After all these years of getting nowhere, all the struggles, all the needless drug abuse, finally, I've broken the 105k barrier! Although in the process of reaching this milestone I've noticed what a bad experience wizrunning is. Once carefree souls become critical of your every move. I think I preferred it when wizzes maintained their charade of non-existence. I gained my revenge on suspected wizmort number one with a kill, which was so lucky even the wizmorting wiz managed to laugh (yes children, I doubted it too ... but apparently they are real people with real feelings just like you and me).

Saturday January 17th

God I'm bored of writing this ... is anyone actually reading this? ...

So I woke up feeling okay, I decided it was time to launch my political views on Downing Street before curing cancer and creating a sugar free alternative to candy floss. However, at around 9.30 I watched Kilroy and spiralled into a deep depression and decided to make a tent out of my sleeping bag and eat wotsits all day instead.

Oh, I also played Mud a bit. I'm up to 145k. By this rate ill be wiz by 2009 ... It is at this point that I leave you with some wise words:

"I'm gonna beat you round the head with this spoon!" - some sock puppet, 2003.

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