Darkness

It was dark. This was probably due to the spinning of planets and suns and star systems and various other wondrous things, but none of them matter. All that matters is that it was dark. Not just dark. DARK. On nights like these people tend to die. Dark menacing nights.

Mike the Sorcerer was just climbing out of the mine when it dawned on him it was dark outside. Dark and eerie. An owl hooted loudly, causing Mike to jump. 'Damn' he thought, 'I better get back to the inn before it shuts.' Turning swiftly, and jangling with all the treasure he'd stolen off the royal dwarfed clan, he set off towards a nearby inn, totally unaware of the dense Darkness oozing from a crypt nearby.

With a pop, Pistol the scum-sucking bottom-feeding algae-eating warlock became visible. Having just watched some poor sap loaded with treasure escape the mine, Pistol was almost beside himself with glee. 'MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA' he said, although it was inside his head so no one really heard him, except maybe some of the other voices, which he was borrowing off Drucilla. Swaggering stupendously, Pistol popped again, and was gone. The darkness crept along the ground, following a set of footprints left by invisible feet. A viper unfortunate enough to cross its path withered and died, rotting away to slime and bones before the Darkness continued on, slowly taking shape.

As is always the way, a poor defenceless Stegosaurus got slurped next. The unlucky bugger was just taking a nice chomp out of a forest he'd found kicking about on the ground when SLUUUURRRRRRPPPPGURGLEGURGLE. Then bones and slime. Then the Darkness, which had decided it wanted to be a cloud, dispersed into a hazy mist.

Back on a narrow road, Mike was starting to get the jitters. It's not that he was scared of undead monsters, it's just... well... he didn't want to ruin his nice new short-sword cracking some jolly unyielding ribs. 'Yeah' he thought to himself 'That's it... I'm not scared at all'. There was a slight popping noise to his right. Turning Mike saw a man in a long dark cloak suddenly appear. 'BOO' he screamed.

'ARGH BUGGER!' Mike hollered chucking his swag bag of loot to one side. With that he started legging it down the road towards the inn. Or what he thought was the inn, but was actually some cliffs.

Then two things happened which Mike would never forget. Firstly, he slipped on an ox turd and skidded across the ground towards a yew tree. It was as he went skidding past he saw the second thing. Eventually he hit the yew tree and went catapulting head first down a small hole breaking his neck and dying after a couple of moments attempting to process what had happened. He wasn't sure, but he could have sworn he'd just seen some guy with his arm up a goat's arse.

Pistol was annoyed. Oh how he'd laughed when Mike jumped a mile, charging off towards the cliffs. Why he'd gone that way was beyond Pistol and his friends in his head. Turning around, he was just in time to see some mangy goat eat the bag of treasure. 'Ah crap.' Pistol moaned to his mate/voice Wierdbob.

'Not to worry mate, just stick your hand up its behind and pull the treasure out'.

'What an awfully good idea' Pistol thought to himself, not a very bright bunny as you may have guessed (why else would he have bits of Drucilla's psyche in his head?). So getting down on all fours, Pistol proceeded to probe the goat's nether region in search of (coughs) hidden buried treasure.

Suddenly there was a yelp. Pistol turned just in time to see Mike go sailing past and crash into a tree and disappear. Laughing hysterically, he failed to notice the small rain cloud settling above his head. 'What the fuARRRGGGGHHHSLURBBLEBLURBLE!' he said/screamed/gurgled.

'Quite' said Wierdbob, before becoming slime with the rest of Pistol. Except the bones. The Darkness, having fed on a viper, a dinosaur and an insane warlock, was feeling quite full.

Turning back into its natural form, it burped loudly before stretching hugely. Out of the corner of its eye is saw a goat stumbling away with an arm attached to its buttocks. Giggling madly Foddy turned his face to the sky. 'Sometimes,' he mused, 'It's good to be evil.' Then with a 'POP', he was gone.